Welcome to But Her Lyrics...the show where we delve into the political lyrics of songs I like, songs I wrote, or topics that I think should be a song. I’m Shawna Potter, singer and lyricist for War On Women - and your host. Today we’re talking to Lindsey Cox of the band Stepmom, which War On Women recently had the pleasure of meeting and playing a few shows together, AND staying in Lindsey’s living room despite her needing to work early the next day - so you know she’s a real one. This interview digs into their song "Survival Mode” which I think will resonate with everyone listening right now. But we get into her musical past, the thesis of stepmom, and what she describes as her spirituality and what that does for her creativity, and I think what she says could make sense to a lot of people but maybe they wouldn’t call it spirituality, so very interesting discussion, I’d love to know what you think after you listen to it. 

No bonus moments on this episode, so you’re hearing the whole dang thing as a treat whether you’re a patron or not, but if I may….

PATREON:

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SHOW TRANSCRIPT: [pulled from Youtube, please forgive any errors]

2:41

2 minutes, 41 seconds

Lindsay Cox, thank you so much for joining me on But Her Lyrics. Please introduce yourself to everyone.

2:47

2 minutes, 47 seconds

Hello, Shauna Potter. Thank you so much for having me.

2:51

2 minutes, 51 seconds

[laughter]

2:51

2 minutes, 51 seconds

I'm Lindsy Cox. I'm the lead singer and guitarist for the art punk band Stepmom based out of Oklahoma City. Um, I'm a

3:01

3 minutes, 1 second

talent booker and events producer at Factory Obscura, an immersive art company in Oklahoma City. Um, and I'm

3:07

3 minutes, 7 seconds

also a radio host for Lindsay's Lounge on Kosu the Spy. So, you're used to talking on a microphone. This is not scary to you.

3:19

3 minutes, 19 seconds

That's nice. I love it. Um, for anyone that I I doubt I will share this bit of the interview online as a trailer, but I just want everyone to know that

3:27

3 minutes, 27 seconds

Lindsay's cute little white cat is in her arms and all curled up being pet and it's very nice to see. It's very I'm feeling soothed by seeing you better.

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3 minutes, 38 seconds

[laughter]

3:40

3 minutes, 40 seconds

So, thank you. My emotional support cat for sure.

3:43

3 minutes, 43 seconds

Yeah. Aren't they? Aren't they just? Um, so our bands played a handful of shows together recently and I thought it was

3:50

3 minutes, 50 seconds

awesome. I like great crowds, lots of fun, and you guys put on quite a show.

3:58

3 minutes, 58 seconds

It is a production. It's a whole production. There's props, there's set dressing, sometimes there's dancers.

4:05

4 minutes, 5 seconds

Has that been there since the inception of the band? Can you tell me about that?

4:11

4 minutes, 11 seconds

Uh, since the inception of the band, we've had stage props. Uh, that's something I always knew I wanted to

4:18

4 minutes, 18 seconds

incorporate. Um, I'm really big on visual elements of performance.

4:24

4 minutes, 24 seconds

And, um, so from the very get-go, we had the CRT TV with the insulation spray

4:32

4 minutes, 32 seconds

foam on the outside painted pink. Uh, I think we had a

4:38

4 minutes, 38 seconds

uh like a lamp that had a bunch of burned Barbie dolls glued to it. And we

4:46

4 minutes, 46 seconds

had uh like a miniature bed that had a Barbie spreadsheet spreadsheet spread uh

4:53

4 minutes, 53 seconds

oh my god a Barbie duvet cover on it. [laughter] Yeah, that's

5:01

5 minutes, 1 second

so props were always Yeah. a big part of Stepmom. Um, but the dancers came, I believe, in 2022. And I always knew I

5:10

5 minutes, 10 seconds

wanted uh to expand on the visual elements of Stepmom and [clears throat] so it just kind of gradually

5:17

5 minutes, 17 seconds

um became bigger and bigger. Do you consider yourself an artist that plays

5:24

5 minutes, 24 seconds

music or a musician that loves art or or what?

5:30

5 minutes, 30 seconds

Um, I think all of it.

5:36

5 minutes, 36 seconds

I think I would describe myself as a visual artist, but also a musician, uh, a performance artist.

5:44

5 minutes, 44 seconds

I think all of the above. Yeah, that's cool. I mean, considering all your jobs, too, it's all very like on theme.

5:51

5 minutes, 51 seconds

[laughter] I love it. Um, so you say art pop. Apple Music says that you're an alternative band. Um, but yeah, art pop.

5:59

5 minutes, 59 seconds

That makes the more sense to me actually.

6:01

6 minutes, 1 second

Yeah. Or punk is what we say, but you know, pop, punk, alternative indie, right? I mean, I was getting hints of

6:10

6 minutes, 10 seconds

like new wave, which is like technically under the punk umbrella, right? But it's like catchy and and and it can take a lot of different forms. Yeah.

6:20

6 minutes, 20 seconds

Um Yeah. What are the influences for So the song that we're talking about today is Survival Mode and it's on an EP and you

6:30

6 minutes, 30 seconds

played I think all the songs from that EP when we played together. Um like what

6:36

6 minutes, 36 seconds

are the influences for this EP versus this this song Survival Mode in

6:43

6 minutes, 43 seconds

particular? Like are they different? Are they the same? Anything coming to mind when you were like recording?

6:52

6 minutes, 52 seconds

I think they kind of all pull from similar influences. I'm really into

6:58

6 minutes, 58 seconds

DVO. Um, specifically for Survival Mode, I was heavily inspired by the band Decisive Pink.

7:08

7 minutes, 8 seconds

Um, which is more electronic based. Um,

7:14

7 minutes, 14 seconds

but something in the song, I don't even know how to pronounce the title. It's like half milch holiday. Um,

7:24

7 minutes, 24 seconds

I think it's like a German word, but that song specifically. Yeah, that's probably [laughter]

7:33

7 minutes, 33 seconds

that song inspired it. Um, I mean I'm really into

7:41

7 minutes, 41 seconds

[sighs and gasps]

7:41

7 minutes, 41 seconds

Oh, like David part of it. Yeah, David Burn.

7:46

7 minutes, 46 seconds

Um, yeah. And with the radio show, I'm constantly listening to new music to put

7:54

7 minutes, 54 seconds

on the the weekly playlist and so I'm constantly having new input being thrown at me. And so it's really just a little

8:03

8 minutes, 3 seconds

tiny bit of all these different bands that I couldn't even tell you the name of, but I'm listening to new stuff and

8:10

8 minutes, 10 seconds

picking out the pieces that I like out of everything.

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8 minutes, 14 seconds

Um, and then there's a song called Welcome to Proftopia, which is the the opening song, and it's heavily inspired by like elevator like lobby music.

8:23

8 minutes, 23 seconds

Yeah.

8:24

8 minutes, 24 seconds

I'm really into Walter Wanderly. He's a a Brazilian um kind of like Bosanova and

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8 minutes, 32 seconds

uh artist and he heavily inspired that song.

8:37

8 minutes, 37 seconds

Yeah, it's like the nightmare of being on hold. Um for sure, for sure.

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8 minutes, 43 seconds

[laughter]

8:44

8 minutes, 44 seconds

That song's very effective as the the opening number on the album, by the way.

8:49

8 minutes, 49 seconds

Um okay, so let's get into this song specifically.

8:53

8 minutes, 53 seconds

I think it sounds awesome. They just say like the recording of it. Um, uh, for

9:01

9 minutes, 1 second

anyone that hasn't heard stepmom, you will at the end of this episode, of course. But, uh, you know, there it's

9:08

9 minutes, 8 seconds

not just guitar, drum, and vocals, there's also synths, but like it still manages to to fit into it um, like

9:18

9 minutes, 18 seconds

really appropriately or like organically, right? like it's not just like and now a pad of something sitting on top of a

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9 minutes, 26 seconds

rock band. Like it is it really gels and I think that this song and the mixing process could have gone a lot of

9:34

9 minutes, 34 seconds

different ways. So I'm wondering how did you land on like the vibe that you wanted from this song?

9:42

9 minutes, 42 seconds

I knew I wanted to give it a lot of spaciousness and to not overcrowd the different parts. And so I feel like

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9 minutes, 51 seconds

we landed in a perfect place where everything kind of has its nook.

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9 minutes, 57 seconds

Everything has its own like nook and cranny.

10:00

10 minutes

Everything kind of just lays exactly where it's supposed to lay. Um and of

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10 minutes, 6 seconds

course uh my bandmates helped a lot with that. And then also our co-producer Billy Reed. Um, I record at his home

10:15

10 minutes, 15 seconds

studio and he, you know, would add some tasty sprinkles on top and like

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10 minutes, 21 seconds

[laughter]

10:22

10 minutes, 22 seconds

percussive elements.

10:24

10 minutes, 24 seconds

Um, and yeah, I'm really big on synth tones and finding just the right tone.

10:31

10 minutes, 31 seconds

Um, and this song is a little different because it's not super guitarheavy. like

10:38

10 minutes, 38 seconds

there is guitar, but I'm not like strumming chords constantly. It's just

10:46

10 minutes, 46 seconds

sporadic where where it's placed. And I think this was the first song that I wrote that wasn't super guitar focused and was more kind of synth focused.

10:58

10 minutes, 58 seconds

Um, yeah. Is Stepmom a band or is it you?

11:04

11 minutes, 4 seconds

Uh, it is my, uh, creative project and then I have collaborators that I work with.

11:12

11 minutes, 12 seconds

Cool. I'm always curious how that like works out cuz there's a million ways to be in a band. Yeah.

11:18

11 minutes, 18 seconds

You know, a million ways to come to like the finished product. Um, and I think that is always really fun to hear the

11:27

11 minutes, 27 seconds

stories around that and why people do what they do.

11:30

11 minutes, 30 seconds

So, tell me an interesting story around that and why you do it. [laughter] Well, I don't know if it was interesting, but I'm kind of a control freak and [laughter] Right. That might be it.

11:41

11 minutes, 41 seconds

Yeah. And I just from from the onset have had this kind of uh creative vision

11:48

11 minutes, 48 seconds

for the project and kind of the forward momentum for it. And it's kind of me

11:56

11 minutes, 56 seconds

processing um and deconstructing uh systems of power. And with that comes

12:06

12 minutes, 6 seconds

like how I um express my gender and

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12 minutes, 13 seconds

um how I unlearn the patriarchy and just all of these things that I am constantly

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12 minutes, 22 seconds

unlearning. And it's through stepmom that it it kind of helps me um yeah process the world around me.

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12 minutes, 31 seconds

That's great. That's I mean that's why I'm in a band. Yeah.

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12 minutes, 35 seconds

And so then you can sort of invite people in like if that's like the thesis almost of the band, you can invite people in to be a part of that and you guys know like where you're going, what

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12 minutes, 43 seconds

the what the direction is as far as what you're talking about.

12:48

12 minutes, 48 seconds

So in this song survival mode, I love the line disassociate. That sofa would look

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12 minutes, 57 seconds

great. lyric reference

13:00

13 minutes

[laughter]

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13 minutes, 1 second

like talking about online shopping and like distracting yourself and stuff. And so tell me more about like what this song is about. I I took it as like a

13:10

13 minutes, 10 seconds

general capitalism sucks song, but what what else is going on? What angles do we have here?

13:16

13 minutes, 16 seconds

I mean, yeah, you hit the nail on the head. Uh [laughter] I it was inspired by I came home from my

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13 minutes, 24 seconds

first uh two week long tour traveling up the east coast and playing New York City

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13 minutes, 31 seconds

and that had been a bucket list tour for me coming home and having you know I had this magical experience touring playing

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13 minutes, 40 seconds

every night doing exactly what I want to be doing with my life and then coming home and then you're faced with the reality of oh [ __ ] I have to get back on

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13 minutes, 49 seconds

this hamster wheel. [laughter] Yeah, I have to get back into the grind. And really just me coming to terms with that

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13 minutes, 58 seconds

and processing that and um being, you know, politically aware and how that can

14:06

14 minutes, 6 seconds

take a toll on your mental health. And then you want to distract yourself from the realities of the world by

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14 minutes, 13 seconds

participating in consumerism and like numbing yourself. But then you feel like

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14 minutes, 20 seconds

a piece of trash for, you know, falling into exactly what they want you to be doing and then like coming in and out of

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14 minutes, 28 seconds

it and it's like a battle for your attention.

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14 minutes, 32 seconds

Um it's yeah where you place your attention is so important and um the society we live in they really

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14 minutes, 40 seconds

want you to uh be numb and docile and just keep hitting the purchase button and

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14 minutes, 48 seconds

yeah this song is about trying to overcome that.

14:53

14 minutes, 53 seconds

Do you consider what you were feeling to be like postour depression or was it just like oh back to real life and it was very different?

15:02

15 minutes, 2 seconds

Yeah, I think a little both. Yeah, I was wanting to continue continue to travel and kind of break out of my day-to-day

15:11

15 minutes, 11 seconds

routine and then being forced with the reality of oh, I got to pay my rent and I have to survive.

15:20

15 minutes, 20 seconds

Um, and then it's like getting back into the grind of things.

15:29

15 minutes, 29 seconds

It's hard to take care of your own like bodily needs and your spiritual needs and your creative

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15 minutes, 37 seconds

needs and all the things that make you feel human because you are just trying to survive. Like that's the

15:44

15 minutes, 44 seconds

title of the song, survival mode. like you are in you're over exhausting yourself and working and um yeah it's

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15 minutes, 55 seconds

hard to feel human sometimes.

16:00

16 minutes

What helps you get out of that out of survival mode? What helps you like grind yourself when you get back?

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16 minutes, 7 seconds

More things. Um saying no.

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16 minutes, 10 seconds

Saying no. Like only saying yes to things that is a like a resounding yes.

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16 minutes, 15 seconds

like I do want to do this thing. Um, and being in nature, taking walks. Um, I

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16 minutes, 23 seconds

have a really great walking path where I live that brings me a lot of joy. Um, being connected to my animals.

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16 minutes, 32 seconds

Um, I think being creative, creating things helps break me out of that. Um, but it

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16 minutes, 41 seconds

can be hard when you know at the end of the day you don't have a lot of energy left and you do just kind of want to veg

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16 minutes, 48 seconds

out on the TV and not move or use your brain in a creative way. Um, and so and I still struggle

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16 minutes, 57 seconds

with that today trying to carve out the time for myself to be creative and to tend to my like spirituality.

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17 minutes, 8 seconds

Um, but I'm the more and more I like

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17 minutes, 15 seconds

think about how I want to regain my connection with like the source energy that's around all of us, the more I

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17 minutes, 22 seconds

realized I it it really is up to me. I'm the only one standing in my way of that connection. And um you really have to

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17 minutes, 29 seconds

claim it for yourself and be mindful of where you are placing your attention and maybe shift.

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17 minutes, 36 seconds

If it's if it's going towards something that isn't feeding you or giving you reciprocal energy, it's time to shift and put it towards something that actually makes you feel alive.

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17 minutes, 48 seconds

Man, good reminder for me. Thank you.

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17 minutes, 51 seconds

[laughter]

17:52

17 minutes, 52 seconds

[gasps]

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17 minutes, 53 seconds

Um, what else do you really like about this song that you feel like no one notices or talks about enough?

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18 minutes, 1 second

No one notices or something you're like really proud of that you're like, I'm so glad we made that decision to do that.

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18 minutes, 7 seconds

[clears throat]

18:08

18 minutes, 8 seconds

Uh, I don't know. Maybe at the end there's all these kind of like warbly little guitar lines that are um kind of

18:16

18 minutes, 16 seconds

like glitching in and out. Uh, that kind of carries the song to the end. I really like that we added that. Um,

18:24

18 minutes, 24 seconds

it almost sounds like just like little like

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18 minutes, 28 seconds

[laughter]

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18 minutes, 30 seconds

[gasps] Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, it's a really cool song. It's a cool EP.

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18 minutes, 34 seconds

Um, what uh what is coming up for Stepmom?

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18 minutes, 39 seconds

What is what is next? What are you working on? Is it time for a break? Are you working on new stuff?

18:45

18 minutes, 45 seconds

Currently, I am working on resting and recuperating after this last summer tour we just got back from.

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18 minutes, 54 seconds

Um, and slowly I will start to work on our new album. I think it's time for a

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19 minutes, 3 seconds

full length album cuz we haven't released one since 2020. Um, when did the band start? When did you start this? 2019.

19:11

19 minutes, 11 seconds

Okay. Okay.

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19 minutes, 13 seconds

Um, so yeah, slowly working on new material. I have sort of a loose concept in mind for that and what I want to be

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19 minutes, 21 seconds

doing. Um, and probably won't tour again until maybe spring or summer of next year.

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19 minutes, 32 seconds

And right now focusing on what I was, you know, talking about earlier, kind of my spiritual health and a lot of my

19:40

19 minutes, 40 seconds

physical health. um being on the road is really hard on your body and uh I really

19:47

19 minutes, 47 seconds

need to yeah rest and recuperate after that.

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19 minutes, 52 seconds

I want to ask you more about your um that interests me that phrase your spiritual health like what does that mean to you?

20:00

20 minutes

H I think um building the relationship and connection I have

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20 minutes, 8 seconds

um to myself um and spending alone time with myself and like meditating

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20 minutes, 16 seconds

and just I think growing the spaciousness within me

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20 minutes, 23 seconds

is kind of how I like to look at it. And um I feel like when I do spend more time just like

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20 minutes, 32 seconds

processing like so much happens to us every day and a lot of the time I don't you know spend enough time reflecting or

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20 minutes, 41 seconds

journaling about it really dissecting how I feel about situations or just

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20 minutes, 48 seconds

things happening around me. And so I think spending more time doing that is really healthy and good for my my

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20 minutes, 55 seconds

spiritual health. And I think my spirituality also is a direct connection with my creativity.

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21 minutes, 2 seconds

Um like I said like um tapping into the source energy that's all around us. Um,

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21 minutes, 11 seconds

I feel like that is directly where I get creative inspiration is just feeling connected to the whole, to the universe, to the cosmos.

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21 minutes, 23 seconds

Um, and it really takes having an open vessel for that to um fully connect. And

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21 minutes, 31 seconds

I feel like when I am bogged down with the day-to-day struggles and day-to-day worries and I don't spend time to like

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21 minutes, 39 seconds

clear and uh create that spaciousness within myself then that connection can get blocked.

21:48

21 minutes, 48 seconds

Does it affect I mean I assume that it would affect like your writing process like can you tell a difference in the kind of things you write when you are

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21 minutes, 57 seconds

feeling uh you know in survival mode versus being like uh really grounded.

22:06

22 minutes, 6 seconds

Yeah. I mean when I'm in I'm like I'm secretly just wanting you to say like yeah I just write more like aggressive punk songs or something.

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22 minutes, 11 seconds

[laughter]

22:13

22 minutes, 13 seconds

Well it's hard for me to even write when I am in survival mode. I find that when I when I have that connection with

22:20

22 minutes, 20 seconds

source energy, um I am just completely blocked up and I don't get inspiration as easily. But when that channel is

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22 minutes, 29 seconds

clear, I mean stuff will just pop into my head all day long and I'm writing stuff down like in the middle of the

22:37

22 minutes, 37 seconds

night or you know um creating voice memos. It usually just comes to me in uh

22:44

22 minutes, 44 seconds

little melodies is how songs typically start for me. Like little catchy melody lines. Um and then

22:52

22 minutes, 52 seconds

with potential lyrics attached or you're thinking of like the guitar parts, you think?

22:56

22 minutes, 56 seconds

Um sometimes it's with the lyrics attached if I have a certain like theme in mind that I'm kind of working

23:04

23 minutes, 4 seconds

through. Um, sometimes a whole song will come to me and it I can hear the guitar part in my

23:12

23 minutes, 12 seconds

head. I can hear what the drums are doing and the baseline. Um, it just varies. It's different every time, but

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23 minutes, 21 seconds

usually it's just like a little a melody line that I sing in my head.

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23 minutes, 26 seconds

Was your household growing up really musical? Not particularly.

23:33

23 minutes, 33 seconds

My mom would always hum when she would like blow dry my hair or like brush my

23:39

23 minutes, 39 seconds

hair. Um my dad was really into classic rock, so we'd listen to music in the car all the time together. Um and he

23:48

23 minutes, 48 seconds

introduced me to like the Beatles and The Who and Rolling Stones and um all the classics. So that's kind of where I

23:57

23 minutes, 57 seconds

got my musical influence from, I would say. Like listen, I got my start singing

24:03

24 minutes, 3 seconds

like country music. I would sing like I would sing Martina McBride and Dixie Chicks at [laughter]

24:10

24 minutes, 10 seconds

local like Oklahoma Opry. Um and I'd do little singing competitions at the mall and stuff like that. Oh my god. Amazing.

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24 minutes, 20 seconds

[laughter]

24:21

24 minutes, 21 seconds

Yeah. Do you think that's like, you know, but you know I'm I'm southern by the grace of location too, right? like I am from Texas originally and lived in

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24 minutes, 30 seconds

Nashville and so it's just like country is just around. That's just what the kind of music was around. Um

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24 minutes, 38 seconds

and I have I I thought there might be a question in there but there isn't. But it's just it's interesting that like the first like the first things I really

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24 minutes, 46 seconds

heard and sang along to were the Juds, which is more says more about my age than anything else.

24:51

24 minutes, 51 seconds

like like and like I had to like discover rock music in a way. I don't know. Even

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24 minutes, 59 seconds

though like you know every now and again some parent would play AC/DC or something but it's it's uh it was like

25:06

25 minutes, 6 seconds

it felt like a revelation when I found my own rock band that was like for my generation like a veil was lifted. Did

25:13

25 minutes, 13 seconds

you have a musical awakening moment like that where you were like, "Oh, this is bigger than just like Oklahoma."

25:20

25 minutes, 20 seconds

Yeah. Um, I started listening to The White Stripes in fifth grade and that

25:27

25 minutes, 27 seconds

really expanded my mind and uh, got me hooked on rock and ever since

25:37

25 minutes, 37 seconds

hearing, you know, Jack White's erratic guitar solos, [laughter] I knew I wanted to play guitar and

25:44

25 minutes, 44 seconds

be like the female version of Jack White. And so like the first thing I got when I started building my pedal board was a whammy pedal because that's what

25:53

25 minutes, 53 seconds

[laughter] I use as I use it in a different way than he does, but

25:59

25 minutes, 59 seconds

yeah, he he was a huge influence on me and uh trying to think of who else. Um I mean I

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26 minutes, 7 seconds

was into like My Chemical Romance and Paramore and Punk and Yeah. stuff like that.

26:15

26 minutes, 15 seconds

Yeah. Yeah. you know, and the white stripes, they have a hint of country in them, I think, right? Like, or blues, I

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26 minutes, 22 seconds

guess. Um, and so it's not like so it's not disconnected, right,

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26 minutes, 29 seconds

from from the worlds that we grew up in or what was on the radio when we were young and didn't have control over what

26:36

26 minutes, 36 seconds

we were listening to. Um, but it obviously it's just such a different approach and

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26 minutes, 43 seconds

there is a sparseness to that band that you could almost, you know, see see in stepmom of like

26:52

26 minutes, 52 seconds

everything really does have its place with with with all the songs I've listened to. Um, which can be hard cuz

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26 minutes, 59 seconds

it's a lot of like mid-range stuff. Like it could be really muddy and confusing and like uh like slammed out or something, but

27:08

27 minutes, 8 seconds

like all that space is really there and you're not it's it's like pieces of a puzzle to make the puzzle like to make the picture that you want versus just

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27 minutes, 16 seconds

like everyone doing everything all the time, you know?

27:19

27 minutes, 19 seconds

Yeah. Which no question just I just think it sounds cool. [laughter] Thank you. Yeah, I really enjoy

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27 minutes, 26 seconds

composing and finding what piece goes where. Um, and working at Factory

27:34

27 minutes, 34 seconds

Obscura, I've had the pleasure to create um, immersive soundsscapes for immersive

27:43

27 minutes, 43 seconds

environments. And so, oh, that's so cool. Tell me about that.

27:47

27 minutes, 47 seconds

Um, typically the visual artist will come to me if I'm

27:53

27 minutes, 53 seconds

contracted to do a song and they'll tell me kind of the vibe of the space and kind of what feelings they want to emote

28:02

28 minutes, 2 seconds

with the space and then I, you know, pitch a few ideas to them and then kind

28:09

28 minutes, 9 seconds

of put together a rough draft um using a lot of like MIDI sounds and guitar and

28:18

28 minutes, 18 seconds

pedal effects and then they'll give me feedback and then I go back with another draft and it's it's one of my favorite

28:26

28 minutes, 26 seconds

things to do because writing lyrics is really hard [laughter] and it's honestly the hardest part of

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28 minutes, 34 seconds

the process for me. And so when we're when I'm just creating a soundsscape and there's no lyrics, I feel a little more free. Oh wow.

28:42

28 minutes, 42 seconds

also writing within the bounds of stepmom. There's sort of a box I've built around it. Like I can't I mean I

28:51

28 minutes, 51 seconds

could and I do sometimes but like straying too far in different genres like if it it's it's easier to explore

29:00

29 minutes

more when I'm creating soundsscape work which I want to incorporate in this next album is some more um synth based soundsscape design uh songs. Um so yeah.

29:13

29 minutes, 13 seconds

Wow. That's so interesting cuz you're the singer and the lyricist. That's [laughter] like the hardest part for you.

29:21

29 minutes, 21 seconds

Yeah. Why'd you do that to yourself?

29:23

29 minutes, 23 seconds

[laughter]

29:24

29 minutes, 24 seconds

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But I mean, I like expressing myself, but it is also like a puzzle

29:31

29 minutes, 31 seconds

finding just the right words that you want to say to emote a feeling. Um,

29:36

29 minutes, 36 seconds

[clears throat]

29:38

29 minutes, 38 seconds

and that can be a very laborous task. Mhm.

29:44

29 minutes, 44 seconds

And it has to rhyme sometimes, you know, and you're like, "Yeah, but it is so satisfying when you find just the right words that you want to say."

29:52

29 minutes, 52 seconds

And I'm really big into like aliteration and the it feeling good in the mouth to

30:00

30 minutes

um a lyricist and songwriter that I really admire and look up to is Elle Kempner from Palehound. and their lyrics

30:10

30 minutes, 10 seconds

are just so tasty and they are so they feel so good to sing and say and and so that's kind of what I try to base my

30:18

30 minutes, 18 seconds

lyricism off of. That's I did I interviewed them for this podcast and it was oh my god. So go back and listen to that episode.

30:26

30 minutes, 26 seconds

Yeah. Um, no. I I actually, yeah, like the verses in this song, the way things rhyme, like it's it it's a little

30:36

30 minutes, 36 seconds

unexpected, but it's perfect, you know, and it's saying what you want to say. Um, which is try to medicate.

30:44

30 minutes, 44 seconds

Productivity is fate. Yeah. Just lyric reference. It's like um efficient.

30:52

30 minutes, 52 seconds

Um, if that makes sense.

30:55

30 minutes, 55 seconds

Yeah. And it's and it's a little funny, you know, distract until my eyes bleed.

31:01

31 minutes, 1 second

Watch another ad, please. [laughter] Like, that's that's great. And then you even say repetition is your friend. And

31:08

31 minutes, 8 seconds

then you're repeating yourself a lot with I don't want to go. I don't want to go. In survival mode. In survival mode. Right.

31:16

31 minutes, 16 seconds

I'm telling you things you already know.

31:18

31 minutes, 18 seconds

[laughter]

31:19

31 minutes, 19 seconds

I'm just telling the audience. Just Yeah. Just nod, Lindsay. just [laughter] um is there anything else I didn't ask

31:27

31 minutes, 27 seconds

that you wish I did or anything else when you get interviewed that you're really tired of being asked or

31:33

31 minutes, 33 seconds

[laughter]

31:34

31 minutes, 34 seconds

or what?

31:38

31 minutes, 38 seconds

I think it's funny when people ask, you know, why did you call the band stepmom?

31:43

31 minutes, 43 seconds

And I never That's a classic.

31:45

31 minutes, 45 seconds

Yeah. I don't have a great answer. It's just like uh I was really into like Soccer Mommy and then there's a local

31:54

31 minutes, 54 seconds

band called Husbands. Um and so I wanted to name the band something kind of in

31:59

31 minutes, 59 seconds

that familial vein and stepmom um wasn't really taken. There is one crap artist

32:08

32 minutes, 8 seconds

that is called Stepmom, but we Yeah, I'll try to not play their songs accidentally [laughter] at the end of this episode.

32:18

32 minutes, 18 seconds

But maybe we'll check out both. Maybe I'll interview them, too, and just compare.

32:22

32 minutes, 22 seconds

No, no, no. I would never. [laughter] Um, was it so annoying when we played together and I was talking about like,

32:31

32 minutes, 31 seconds

you need to talk about your bratty steps more on stage or [laughter] something?

32:34

32 minutes, 34 seconds

Like I was like, like have more like drink more white wine on stage. Have an attitude like let's let's lean into this. Was that was

32:42

32 minutes, 42 seconds

that super annoying or were you just like heard it all before?

32:45

32 minutes, 45 seconds

But [laughter] it kind of plays into the angsty nature of some of our songs too. Like people have angsty relationships with their

32:53

32 minutes, 53 seconds

stepmoms and it all kind of fits I guess. Yeah. But also there's like this

33:00

33 minutes

weird um you know it's also [laughter] pardon me uh it's a huge uh genre of

33:09

33 minutes, 9 seconds

like pornography too of like step things right step whoevers.

33:14

33 minutes, 14 seconds

Um, and I didn't know if if that had entered your mind at any point of like this like one one toe being dipped into

33:24

33 minutes, 24 seconds

like uh like a sexual aspect or sexualization over sexualization aspect.

33:32

33 minutes, 32 seconds

Yeah, it could be. Yeah. Uh, I mean my whole stage persona is very hyper fem

33:39

33 minutes, 39 seconds

kind of like uh sexualized version of myself that is sort of

33:47

33 minutes, 47 seconds

like [sighs] uh a commentary on like what the patriarchy would want to see. but watch

33:55

33 minutes, 55 seconds

me like rock out on stage and step on your face way like I'm going to dominate you and like I have the power here and

34:05

34 minutes, 5 seconds

that's kind of uh where yeah where the persona goes and so

34:12

34 minutes, 12 seconds

yeah the the whole stepmom thing it's like yeah it's um

34:19

34 minutes, 19 seconds

subverting expectations I guess your biggest fantasy or your worst nightmare. Yeah, exactly.

34:27

34 minutes, 27 seconds

Or both. [laughter] Yeah, I identif I identify with that what I do on stage incorporating sexuality and

34:36

34 minutes, 36 seconds

kind of twisting it and holding a mirror up to the audience and being like, is this what you like? You know, like are you sure?

34:44

34 minutes, 44 seconds

Now I'm going to do something gross or embarrassing. You know, what do you think about that?

34:48

34 minutes, 48 seconds

Which you never do. You never do anything gross or embarrassing like [laughter] but But uh but yeah, twisting it around and

34:56

34 minutes, 56 seconds

it's like challen challenging I think um questioning the audience a little bit or daring them

35:04

35 minutes, 4 seconds

sometimes to like think about what is what is it about this you know which I think is an interesting

35:12

35 minutes, 12 seconds

question. Um but then also at in in the end it's it just uh the main takeaway is just like [ __ ] you. I'm going to do what I want.

35:21

35 minutes, 21 seconds

Which is a beautiful thing.

35:23

35 minutes, 23 seconds

Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. You get it.

35:28

35 minutes, 28 seconds

Okay. Well, uh where can people find stepmom online or what do you want to tell them that you're doing that? It sounds like you're taking a break, you know, but you have music out there right

35:36

35 minutes, 36 seconds

now. They can stream right now. Um and then what else can they look for or where can they find you?

35:42

35 minutes, 42 seconds

Yeah, you can find our music and our music videos at stepmomband.com.

35:49

35 minutes, 49 seconds

Do not look up just stepmom on the internet because you will probably get porn. [laughter] But stepmom band.com. We do have a music

35:58

35 minutes, 58 seconds

video that is releasing in the next few weeks. Um, we're in final edits right now. So, so that'll probably be out by the time

36:06

36 minutes, 6 seconds

this episode comes out because I got to go on tour for first and then and then do this. So, hey everyone, the new music video's out. Go watch it. [laughter]

36:15

36 minutes, 15 seconds

Yeah, we'll see. I haven't really set a release date yet cuz I'm just kind of going with the flow with things, but yeah, new music video coming out for our

36:24

36 minutes, 24 seconds

song Helga Pitakei. And that song's all about desire and um desire as a a powerful force that you can harness for yourself.

36:34

36 minutes, 34 seconds

Um, and yeah, on Instagram we're Stepmom Band.

36:41

36 minutes, 41 seconds

Um, we have a Patreon that you can join.

36:44

36 minutes, 44 seconds

We have different levels. Um, and I think that's also just Stepmom Band on Patreon. And yeah, our music is on all streaming platforms under Stepmom.

36:56

36 minutes, 56 seconds

And yeah, love it. Thank you so much for joining me on But Her Lyrics. Yeah, thank you. This was fun. Yay.

37:05

37 minutes, 5 seconds

[music]

OUTRO:

Thank you Lindsey! What a calming presence, that one! I love that the most excited she sounded is when I mentioned interviewing Palhound for this podcast, so go listen to that episode if you haven’t already, and thanks for listening to this one. Keep listening to hear Stepmom’s song “Survival Mode” in full. 

You can support this podcast by liking my youtube channel, and sharing, subscribing, and reviewing But Her Lyrics... Wherever you get your podcasts - it’s free and it helps. To find episode transcripts, or to find out more about what I do, my book, my trainings, my patreon, head to shawnapotter.com

To learn about all things WOW, like our European tour in August, and A NEW FUCKING ALBUM CALLED TIME UNDER TENSION! Get all the deets at linktr.ee/waronwomen.

If you want to support my work, or anyone that might deal with harassment in public spaces, please share my Safer Spaces: Online Course which you can preview or sign up for at shawnapotter.com so head there now and then get offline and out of survival mode, as a treat.

SURVIVAL MODE by Stepmom

Do you lie awake

From overstimulation? 

Veins are slowly drained 

To keep it all in motion 

Disassociate 

(That sofa would look great)

Always feel behind 

(You’re running out of time)

Try to medicate 

(Productivity is fate)

Battle the self-loathing 

(Don’t think just keep on going)

I don’t wanna 

I don't wanna

I don’t wanna go 

In survival 

In survival 

In survival mode 

I don’t wanna 

I don't’ wanna

I don’t wanna go 

In survival 

In survival 

In survival mode

Do you stay inside

Placating your panic? 

Spiders in your brain 

Feed on fuzzy static 

Clear some mental space 

(Good luck on your escape)

Distract until my eyes bleed 

(Watch another ad please)

Do it all again

(Repetition is your friend)

Why is no one running? 

(Help is never coming) 

I don’t wanna 

I don't’ wanna

I don’t wanna go 

In survival 

In survival 

In survival mode 

I don’t wanna 

I don't’ wanna

I don’t wanna go 

In survival 

In survival 

In survival mode

I don’t wanna go 

In survival mode

I don’t wanna go 

In survival mode

I don’t wanna go 

In survival mode

I don’t wanna go 

In survival mode 

I don’t wanna go 

In survival mode

I don’t wanna go 

In survival mode 

I don’t wanna go 

In survival mode